Introduction to we need ones...

An idea hit me the other day, during a funny night at the store. From behind the counter, I often feel like I have the best seat in the arena to watch life from. Working as a convenience store clerk gives you a chance to take the pulse of the community... when things are busy, you know why. Holidays, summer time, first day of spring, winter storm warning, hurricane off the coast. Everyone ends up here, in front of the counter. Telling me stories with the things they buy, and the words they say, and the looks upon their faces.

I'm going to start keeping a weekly journal about the things that happen at the store. I'll start this journal off with something I wrote about a few nights ago:

Slow night at work last night, but some guy got pulled over in the store parking lot by two cops, then two more showed up, then another, and another and another. And another! Heard it might be a stolen vehicle, but it didn't matter. What did matter is that every 10 minutes or so a customer walked in and asked "wow, what happened?"

So, at first I was all "possible stolen vehicle."

But then my brain went "have fun with this..."

After all, it's not often 8 cop cars with lights flashing are in the parking lot surrounding a station wagon.

So, giving the guy at the sandwich counter a 'follow my lead' glance, the next customer that walked in got this:

Customer: Wow, what happened?

Me: Pretty odd night here, had to call the cops. Guy runs into the store naked, grabs about 4 packages of those Twinkies, starts juggling them. :follow my lead glance to sandwich counter guy:

Sandwich counter guy: Yeh, I did my best to stop the guy from opening those packages of nylons, but he got one open and put it on his head.

Me: Then the guy starts demanding we turn all the magazines with faces on the covers around, because he can't answer everyone at once.

Sandwich counter guy: You don't even want to know what he did with a stem of bananas...

Me: It was an odd, odd night, alright.

Customer: ::::::: stunned expression ::::::

Me: Just kidding, possible stolen vehicle.

Customer: hahaha!



So we do this to every customer for the next half hour, until the cops left. The story got more elaborate each time, and ended like this:

Customer: Wow, 8 cop cars out there, what did that guy do?

Me: weird night here... guy runs into the store completely naked. Grabs a few fist fulls of Ring Dings and Twinkies, starts juggling and humming the theme song from The Brady Bunch. We had no choice, had to call the cops.

Sandwichguy: I think once he ripped open that package of nylons and threw them on his head was when it was pretty clear the guy might be dangerous.

Me: Yeh. That definitely made me nervous. Good thing I keep a pair of spare clean pants behind the counter here.

Customer: Holy shit, you two get any of this on the security cameras?

Me: yep. Cops already took the footage, though.

Customer: What's up with the tow truck? Why is the car on it? Is that the guy's car?

Me: That's the weirdest part of all this!

Sandwich guy: You ain't kidding! The whole night was weird, but that was the weirdest!

Customer: What? What? What?

Me: Dude, the car, when it pulled up, it was hovering.

Customer: WHAT?!

Me: Don't know what the naked juggling guy did to the vehicle, but it was about 2 inches off the ground, wheels weren't on the parking lot, it was like a hovercraft. (sandwich guy ducks behind counter to conceal laughing.)

Customer: Holy shit.

Me: Yeh. Pretty crazy night, alright.

Customer: How in the world, what in the...

Me: just kidding... no nakedness, no juggling, no hovercraft, just a possible stolen vehicle.

Customer: what?

Me: just kidding, we made that all up.

Customer: Oh man. You had me, you two got me good. No hovercraft?

Me: nah...

Customer: No juggling?

Me: nah...

Customer: oh man... too funny, you two are nuts!

Sandwich guy: YEP!